Posts in Personal Power

We've all had experiences in life, when someone belittles us, tells us we're less then or not good enough. Makes fun of or steamrolls in a way that leaves us depleted, flattened in a power play.

You know, those monsters of your creative self-worth from childhood: Sister Mary Marguerita filled with flushed faced rage for six year olds, screaming “you're an idiot for forgetting your homework!” Or the seventh grade teacher spreading rumors that “you're a slut” because you kissed a boy. Or your supposed-bud whispering as you climb the stairs to give your valedictorian speech: “you're not that smart, you just do your work.”

If you're on the healing path, you've probably already addressed and healed some of those childhood cracks. But what about the more recent nicks?

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Everyone just wants to be seen and heard.

And when you embrace this and drop your own garbage, you will connect soul to soul, not role to role.

One of the exercises that I have teams do is to stand face to face with a partner. The instructions are to look the other person directly in the eyes, no talking, no facial or body gestures. Just ... simply ... be ... with your partner.

It's one of the hardest things for an adult to do. It doesn't matter if they just met or work with each other every day. They squirm and giggle. And look at me as if to ask "when will this be over?" Then I prompt them: "see this person as a child, what games to do they love?" "See this person as an awkward teen, imagine their high school struggles and dreams." And so on.

When we're done, they share reasons for the discomfort: it's rude to stare at someone, it's awkward, a stupid exercise or went on too long. Then after a few minutes of letting the resistance melt, the opening occurs. "I saw him playing the same game I loved" or "I saw her with the same teen angst I had!"

Give it a try. In your next interaction with someone: BE WITH THEM. Look them in the eye, put your phone down, drop the chatter in your head, breathe and just be. Deeper connections and greater fulfillment are on the other side.

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Compassion and empathy can be a drain when the energetic balance swings to over-care, and becomes more about ourselves than the other person.

Buddhist teacher Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche calls it "idiot compassion."

In the book, Radical Candor, author Kim Scott calls it "ruinous empathy."

It's also called "spiritual materialism."

Ouch, harsh word choices.

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What a gift we have to wake up every day and create the experiences we want. Paint the brush marks on the canvas, curate the image on the screen, fill a lined page with handwritten musings or load an .mp3 file with our sweet harmonies.

Like this picture. It's art. It's so pretty and vibrant. It makes me feel alive.

But I don't know any farmer who'd paint their tractor lavender, if John Deere even sells that hue, and why it's sitting in the middle of a flower field?

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The practice of grounding your energy is just like grounding for electricity -- you want to give the source of energy a clear channel and connection to the earth to keep the channel safe.

By nature, electricity seeks to return its electrons to "ground"—that is, to discharge its negative energy and return to equilibrium.

When we're ungrounded, we're not connected. The energy runs amok inside of us and produces anxiety, irritability, and agitation. Ungrounded states lead to spaciness and a scattered mind.

Knowing how to ground our personal energy is helpful to bring us back to equilibrium, and give the erratic energy a safe place to be discharged.

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One of the tips my dog trainer gave me was to make the distinction between coddling and cuddling.

Coddling: If your pup is agitated, scared or anxious, acknowledge it. But don’t respond by reflecting that same energy. Don’t go into a downward spiral of “oh poor baby, what’s the matter, I will protect you.” Acknowledge her, and keep elevated. Tell her she’s okay and you keep calm to raise her energy back to calm, submissive and centered.

Cuddling is of course, showing love and affection without any drama or self-induced emotion. Cuddling is neutral and empowered.

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How do you wake up?

The moment your eyes open, do you immediately jump to what you have to do during your day? Creating anxiety, stress or agitation?

A great morning practice to adopt is to wake up and bless yourself, or wake up in gratitude for your life and for the day.

The moment your eyes pop open, put your left hand on your heart and take a few very deep breaths. Express gratitude. Say a prayer or a mantra. I like to say, "use me, work through me, show me and guide me to where I can best serve others today," (from the Marianne Williamson prayer). Breathe and ask your spirit what it needs today. I also like to say, "I expect great things to happen today, surprise me!"

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CHANGE. It’s a state of being that I’ve been fascinated by ever since I was a kid.
I love to move; I’ve picked up and packed up 5x in the last 10 years. 📦 I’m the fearless woman who can walk into a salon telling the stylist, do whatever you want and always love the outcome. 💇
Trying new things is always an adventure.
Yet lately, I’ve been in a rut. Too much comfort and stagnation. Too little adventure.

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Whenever someone stopped the momentum to wallow in a problem or spiral in complaint, doubt or confusion, one of us would ask a simple question to stop the drain: "WHAT'S THE SOLUTION?"

Those three words can shift the energy on the spot.

There is always a solution.

There is a way through every block.

Use this powerful statement as a way to shift your energy from stuck ... to... flow. Say it out loud. Repeat it. Let go of any expectations and be open to receiving, finding or being guided to the answer. Be available to a new possibility.

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I'm fascinated by conversations about personal growth and discovering tips and tools to bring your best self to any situation.

It's not always easy, and sometimes our mood, energy level or emotion keep us from being our best.

But one mindset I found to instantly shift heavy energy, procrastination or resistance is to carry yourself like a pro. And practice habits that align you with your own professionalism, whatever that means to you.

"When you turn pro, your life gets very simple." In his book Turning Pro, Steven Pressfield says that turning pro is a decision to which we must re-commit every day and the difference between an amateur and a professional is their habits.

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I learned this tool years ago, to detach and make life a little lighter. When you’re irritated, frustrated or disappointed in another, say to yourself: “they are doing the best they can with the information and knowledge they have," (and it's not my job to jump in and provide them with the information and knowledge!)

What a powerful practice.

And relieve yourself at any time: “I’m doing my best!”

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It's another tool to strengthen your nervous system! And a great healing tonic when you want to detox from caffeine.

Brew a homemade batch of yogi tea for the week, and slowly swap out your usual tea or coffee habit.

This recipe heals: it purifies the blood, lungs and circulatory system and cleans the liver. And you must add a pinch of black tea to bind the healing force. (The healing effects outweigh the dose of caffeine.)
It also leaves your home smelling divine!

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One of my favorite story tellers, Joseph Campbell, once said "“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.”

The magic happens when you create as you go.

We can make a plan to give us structure or a framework, but it's so important to loosen the grip on it and not be so attached. Create room every day for a little dancing with the divine and for something new to drop in.

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When you're breathing the same breath with someone, you can't be in conflict.
Next time you find yourself in a tense situation with another person ... breathe. And make it a conscious breath to elevate you and the other person out of the funk. Breathe in and say to yourself, "I Am," breathe out and say "Peace." (Or, "I am ... calm.")

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Here are 2 tips for more fulfilling connection & communication:

1️⃣. release your need to be right, make the other person wrong or the need to know the outcome. Can you be fully available to dance with the other person, and create in the moment?

2️⃣. in your next conversation, draw your energy to and focus to the center of your heart (get out of your head!). Breathe deeply and fully "be with" the person you're speaking with. If it's in person, look them in the eye. If it's on the phone, see if you can make yourself fully available to receive what they're saying. Notice a deeper listening & connection?

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4 tips to turnaround any situation

Is there some area of your work or your life that you’d like to see a different result? Or do you have a challenge that you are facing where you can’t seem to figure out the next best step? Or maybe you need to hit the re-fresh button for a clearer outlook?

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When your story becomes yesterday’s news

I recently received a call from a man who wanted some career coaching. He proceeded to tell me the miseries and hardships of the last several years in trying to land a job … the economy, the wrong path, how he’s overqualified, blah, blah, blah and I started to swirl around in his over-explanation. 

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Stay In Your Lane

I recently received some great advice from my mentor about managing my energy and avoiding distractions: “Stay in your lane, Kristi. Stay in your lane.”It reminded me of the road rage I see every day on the 405.

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How following your gut can make someone’s day

A few weeks ago, I thought about sending a flower arrangement to my friend & spiritual teacher to thank her for leading a great weekend retreat.But I knew she was traveling and wouldn’t be home, so I didn’t send it.

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